Being the father of three young adults and writing an article for fathers may seem a little pretentious. But by no means do I intend to come across self-promoting. Realizing our youngest is 15, and our older two children are college students is humbling in its own right. But perhaps there are a few small token ideas we fathers should consider together…
Let me propose to you that there are 5 Non-Negotiable Duties that fathers have toward their families and for their children. Whether you have one or a dozen children, if you lose sight of these five principles for raising your family, you will surely struggle to fulfill your obligation as a father. (Singing may be absent from this list, but you will find it’s influence is ever present.)
1) A father must cultivate a sense of family identity. Hold up the family as not only important but a place each member is valued. I remember growing up and being told, “Remember, you’re a Bruce.” One youth minister, before taking the kids on mission trip, would remind the students with these words, “Remember whose you are.” As a family we found honor in our name sake, and as God’s children we cherished the identity we share in His family. Perhaps the connection (music-wise) is found in the spiritual song written by Isaac Watts in the early 1700’s; “I’m not ashamed to own my Lord, nor to defend His cause…” When we cultivate a strong sense of family, our children will know they are safe and unashamed of who they are. Solomon gave a commendation in Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is to be more desired than great wealth…” Father’s, cultivate your families identity but teach them to honor Jesus, the name above all names.
2) A father must regularly demonstrate love to his wife. Without 
hesitation we consider Paul’s words to the church in Ephesus (Ephesians 5:25) as he writes, “Husbands, love your wives…” Alone, these four words are scripture and suffice, but we are left with the question, ‘HOW do I love my wife?’ The next seven words answer the question, “…just as Christ also loved the church…” But to the un-churched the question may remain, how did Christ love the church? Complete the verse, “…and gave Himself up for her.” We realize this means the ultimate sacrifice. Christ died for us! Husbands (Fathers) is your wife, your family, important enough to you that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for them?
3) A father must give his children the freedom to fail. Look no further than Luke 15:11-32 when Jesus tells us the story of the ‘prodigal son’. (Go to the text and read it again for a refresher.) The father of two boys is very affluent and provides for his family. But when his youngest decides to ‘move out’ and make his own way in life, his father doesn’t stop him. The young man is about to experience some difficult times and his struggles will be crippling. Certainly his father realizes this, but is still willing to give him his ‘freedom.’ Why would a loving father allow such a foolish mistake? Why not tell him ‘no’ and look out for his son’s best interest? The father, in Christ’s parable, is letting his son fail so he’ll learn what’s most important. Never assume it’s easy to let your children struggle through difficult times. But if they are to grow and learn and appreciate the blessings of life, they often have to fail. But it’s then that I remember the old invitation song written by Charles Gabriel, “Patient, loving, and tenderly still the Father pleads; Hear, O hear Him calling, calling now for thee…” Fathers hurt when their children fail, but often in failure our children learn. Our prayer is that they’ll learn and grow from their mistakes, then return home.
4) A father must guard his tongue and tone. This can be hard for those who are ‘manly men.’ We’re rough and 
gruff and often bark out commands to the troops. Fathers, we must be very careful to consider the example we’re setting. You’ve heard the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The way you raise your children will be the way in which they learn to treat themselves and eventually raise their families. Discipline falls into this category too. We are commanded to discipline our children, but unbridled punishment can be detrimental. God’s word is our guide…Proverbs 13:24 “He who withhold his rod (discipline) hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Notice that when we fail to discipline (withhold the rod) we, in essence, are ‘hating’ our children. However, if our discipline is rooted in love we’re following God’s word. Solomon tells us again in the 16th chapter of Proverbs, verse 24…“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Often we reserve kind words for strangers and inject venom upon our family. How about giving our family (our children) some of that ‘pleasant honeycomb.’
5) A father must build a relationship of trust with his children…built on God’s Word and not on human knowledge. How much do you value God’s word in the presence of your children? Do your children see you embrace the word of God and make Him your focus? Or do we have a tendency to slide up next to the world and let culture dictate our choices? Reading God’s word, and making God your priority is building a relationship on Him and His word. Taking your children to the soccer game instead of worship on Sunday morning is not building a relationship on God’s Word, but on the world’s ways.
Perhaps Solomon says it best in the first seven chapters of Proverbs as he writes the phrase, “My son…” seventeen times. Would that we instruct our children over and over again about the glory of God and the admonition to live for Him. “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute (reputation) in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3